Turns out everyone’s favorite Monday night shit show can actually be instructive. And not in a don’t-do-this-in-front-of-the-guy-you’re-trying-to-fuck-on-TV-unless-you-want-to-look-like-a-serial-killer kind of way. In like an actually helpful way! These desperate, soulless motherfuckers might not know their way around finding love and making real human connection, but they sure as hell know their way around a blow dryer and some bronzer. Which isn’t shocking, considering everyone’s worth is placed approximately 100% on their physical appearance and 0% on their actual personalities. So with that being said, here are all the beauty lessons we can learn from this ridiculous mess — because we’re definitely not learning anything else remotely useful.
Fucking everyone and their moms/sisters/neighbors/future grandchildren are wearing big barrel curls. Like every goddamn second. I get it though. Big barrel curls are easy and sexy, and the women might as well get used to sharing one communal curling iron because lord knows that’s not the only rod they will all at one point or another have their hands on.
Becca’s managed to somehow get far on not one, but two Bachelor seasons by not speaking and not caring about anything. It must be her nonchalant half-up, boho bun.
Take a note from the twins on this one. Don’t tone this shit down. PUT IT EVERYWHERE.
We learned this from Britt last season, and now Amanda. You never fucking know when someone’s going to film you at 4 am, so always, always be prepared to look unenthused but pretty on a hot air balloon ride, lest you so happen to have the chance.
Either Becca’s nailed the expressionless face (jealous) or she has more Botox than I have inappropriate emotional ties to this franchise. So like, a shit ton. Anyway, you’re never too young for Botox. Might as well start now.