Do I have a right to know if the guy I’m sleeping with is sleeping with other people? How the F do I ask that?!
It started off casually, but now that it’s continued on for a few dates I kind of want to know so I can modify what I want and my expectations. Maybe I’d keep him around as someone on the side, but I def don’t want to catch feelings or have expectations from someone who is just out there to sleep around. Is it chill to outright ask this question?
(FYI I’m 27 and this dude is 34. I had just left a serious relationship when we met so I only wanted fun, but now I’m ready for some dating maturity in my life. I’d keep him around if he wasn’t having sex with other girls, but I might drop him if not and focus on the dudes who want something more serious with me.)
What do you think?
“My body is a secret garden and not a public park” Ali Wong style
Dear John Mayer’s Muse,
So like, first of all you definitely have the right to ask whatever tf you want because free speech and free will and #feminism and all that, but first I’d advise figuring out wtf you want before you do that. Like, IDK if you just suck at proofreading or what, but you completely contradicted yourself in the span of two paragraphs.
Exhibit A: “Maybe I’d keep him around as someone on the side, but I def don’t want to catch feelings or have expectations from someone who is just out there to sleep around.”
Exhibit B: “I’d keep him around if he wasn’t having sex with other girls, but I might drop him if not and focus on the dudes who want something more serious with me.”
So… would you keep him around if he was fucking other girls, or nah? Figure that shit out and then just drop it into casual conversation the next time it comes up. Like, personally, I feel like a prime opportunity to have the exclusivity talk comes in the inevitable moment the guy you’re sleeping with tries to get away with not using a condom. Which, BTW, he should NOT be doing if you haven’t had the exclusivity talk. When he says “Pleeeeaseeeee?” You can say “Weeelll…when was the last time you got tested, and are you fucking other people?” and take things from there. If you want a less heat-of-the-moment route, just bring it up at dinner or whatever. Any way you slice it, it’s gonna be an awkward conversation, so there’s really no magical time or scenario that’s gonna make it not weird.
It’s only weird if you make it weird (JK, it’s still gonna be weird no matter what),