How To Ask For Help Without Admitting You Need Help

Being perfect all the time can have its downsides. Like, when you need help but you don’t want to admit you need help. But even a queen has her advisors and Hercules had Zeus, so what we’re trying to say is, you can’t do everything alone.

That doesn’t mean you should ever admit this, obvs. Like your dad never wanted to ask for directions on your family car trips, you don’t need to broadcast your helplessness ever. But there comes a time in every betch’s life when she needs to depend on other people while still seeming completely independent.

The key to asking for help is to make it about the person you’re asking. As you’ve learned from being the center of attention your entire life, it feels good to be wanted. So when you’re seeking someone’s advice, make it about how great they are first.  For example, instead of saying “I want to fly home for Sarah’s bachelorette party, but I’m broke… can you pay for it?” you might say to your dad, “Wow I really wish I could come home this weekend and spend more time with you, Dad! But it would be wasteful spending of me to buy tickets, and you taught me how to be responsible with my money” and voila, his Amex is yours.

So maybe you’re feeling depressed because Brad hasn’t texted or you don’t feel like going out. It happens, it’s Winter. Instead of desperately texting your best friend and guilt tripping them into staying by your side, make it about your friend. Like, “remember how you keep asking me to watch Save the Last Dance because it’s your favorite movie and I refused, well it’s because I wanted to watch it with you! Come over tonight I’ll make pasta.” Your friend will give up her Friday night plans to hang out with you and keep you from spiralling into a Bradless frenzy.

Sure, perfection is only an illusion, but it’s one you intend to maintain. Nothing is more sad than a genuine post on Facebook, but sometimes you need to ask for help on social media. When push comes to shove, always oversell or underplay your needs when you need help. For example, you’re stuck on the side of a highway and your car won’t start. You can oversell your desperation with a very clearly unrealistic reaction of your situation like, “I’m stuck on the side of the highway I’m being chased by a bear my heel just broke off and I’m probably going to die, this is goodbye I don’t know what to do maybe tell my sister I love her” or underplay it like, “whoops car died on the desert highway, I’ll be here chillin forever”.

Notice how in neither of these posts do you actually use the word “help”. Should anyone come to your rescue, and they will, it’s totally on them and not you, because you never truly asked. Grateful as you may be, they will feel even better about their own pro-activeness, and you’re basically doing them a favor by letting them help you.

You’d think a desperate and true “please help me, I’m so alone” would get all your true friends out to help you, but the truth is, we’re all allergic to desperation. It’s not that our hearts aren’t kind, it’s just that sadness feels contagious, and your friends are more likely to want to help you if they don’t feel responsible should they fail to help you. Turns out your happiness is a pretty big responsibility, basically. The possibility of being blamed for your mistakes will drive people away from your side if you come off too desperate. So lighten up, maintain your composure, and ask for help like you’re granting other people favors. You are the queen, and a queen never begs.


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