Attention Bachelor Nation: this dumpster fire of a franchise keeps rolling out hit after hit in terms of their newest choice for Bachelor,
a guy they found behind the dumpster in a Starbucks parking lot Arie Luyendyk Jr.
Will I ever learn how to spell that name without Googling it? Absolutely not. Why? Because Wells Fucking Adams would have been a lot easier to spell, and a lot more enjoyable to watch.
Anyway, after ABC announced the new Bachelor last week, the internet collectively lost its shit. Despite the lies Mike Fleiss has been peddling on Twitter, this was NOT the most positive reaction they’ve ever had to announcing a new Bachelor. In fact, even considering human turtle neck Nick Viall, it might be one of the worst.
I mean, look at this guy. He’s an aggressively airbrushed J.D. from Scrubs. This picture is at least six years old. He’s not Peter Kraus. Oh, and he allegedly fucks teenage sorority girls. Yikes.
According to a Reddit thread posted by Reality Steve, the man who has gotten my hopes up only to crush them time and time again, Arie and his buddy Jef Holm, the winner to Arie’s runner-up on Emily Maynard’s season of The Bachelorette, used to spend a considerable amount of time trolling sorority houses in Phoenix and banging countless 18-year-old girls. This might be passable, albeit trashy, behavior if Arie was also 18 at the time…. but he was 30.
Most positive reaction the Bachelor has ever had! pic.twitter.com/33kAFgoujJ
— RealitySteve (@RealitySteve) September 7, 2017
This alone is fantastic gossip, but because this is Bachelor Nation, the plot thickens.
Jef has spoken out against these accusations, claiming that he never frequented any sorority houses and cut off his friendship with Arie because he’s “disgusting.” What does it take for a guy named Jef who spells his name with one F to call you disgusting? Oh I don’t know, probably being a fully grown man who fucks teenage girls.
It’s only Tuesday and Arie’s first Bachelor promo dropped last night, which means we’ll probably be inundated with about 25 more stories about Arie’s sexual preferences and general flaws before the week is done. Here’s hoping one of the slighted sorority girls speaks out. Don’t let us down, Phoenix.
There is only one silver fox Bachelor Nation will accept, and he’s busy running bootcamps in Madison, WI and simultaneously giving me a reason to check Instagram stories. RIP Peter, you deserved the world. Also, please respond to my Venmo. K thanks.