Human Bratz doll come to life, Ariana Grande is our Betch of the Week.
For years, people have confused her with Selena Gomez, and constantly referred to her as a “Disney Star,” when, uhm, it’s actually Nickelodeon star, duh. Now, it’s Ariana’s time to shine. She’s the queen of the summer after releasing a song with rap goddess Iggy, and she is holding pipes in her that just on a logistics basis shouldn’t fit into that tiny body.
We're celebrating this betch’s 21st birthday, which we all know is the most monumental in any betch’s life. In honor of the occasion, here’s 21 reasons Ariana is our Betch of the Week:
Ariana knows the importance of a good weave. Almost everything you see here is hair extensions, because Ariana wants her fans to know she celebrates all their Quinceañeras.
Ariana pulled the ultimate power move. After allegedly cheating on on-again off-again bae, __SirPubertyMcPopStar__, he came running back like he was a nobody and she had the song of the summer.
Before turning 21, Ariana performed at the White House. Afterwards, she was overheard pleading with her her mom: Please! Please! Can I have a sleepover with Sasha and Malia? Bunk bed truth and dare sessions are the new power brunches.
Ariana recalled a very intense experience with ghosts and demons to Cosmo mag. After taking a picture during a spooky run-in at a Cemetery, Ariana claims the pic shows three super distinct faces in the picture — they're the faces of textbook demons. Kendall Jenner can't even read, but Ariana has been hitting the books on Goblins.
Ariana Grande fans describe themselves as Ariantors. Ariantors make up the Ariana Army, not to be confused with like, you know… Aryan Army (spelling is key here). Arianators ride into battle on the fields of Twitter and Instagram, taking out disparaging commenters and playing hard for #teamfollowback.
Chris Brown said she was a good dancer, which is a huge compliment coming from him. She didn't have any bruises afterwards, though, so according to him, he didn't love her.
Any good betch always needs someone to go to the bathroom with, and Ariana chose wisely. Ariana teamed up with former Betch of the Week honoree Iggy Azalea in another move that has Mariah Carey somewhere wondering why it couldn't have been her.
She is basically the Drake of female songstresses having played Cat on the Nick show Sam and Cat, proving again that even already-famous people can become more famous.
Thigh high white boots and modest Betty Draper housewife dresses. Dancing onstage to A$$ with Big Sean, and making appearances dressed as Minnie Mouse. Ariana is one versatile betch, like simultaneously liking someone's Insta photo while talking shit about them–let's all give ourselves a pat on the back.
Only one of these girl's lives are being ruined by a pint-sized white man.
This is one of those, Oops, I didn't know they were going to write 'SEX' so huge next to my face moments. Happens to the best of us.
This is just, like, a really chic outfit. Get it, Grande.
She's named much like one of those ironically named big dudes named Tiny. Grande is as big as a Venti iced coffee: 5 foot and weighs in at a very betch-y one pound.
Ariana was there for us when we needed some to replace Mariah (Once you've named your album Me. I Am Mariah… The Elusive Chanteuse, you're dead to us). Even though Ariana's vocal range isn't as impressive as Carey's, she can hit an E7, which, I don't know, sounds pretty good.
Ariana, like, loves to take selfies. Celebrities, they're just like us!
Ariana requested that all baby photos of her be photoshopped to include a Chanel purse and Starbucks cup, so the history books would show that she was born betchty.
Ariana has notebooks full of Mrs. Ariana Bass lying around somewhere.
MOMAGER ALERT!!!! Although Ariana isn't as famous as Kim and Kris, Ariana didn't need a sex tape, so we're calling this one even for now.
This is Ariana's brother, Frankie, and I'm also pretty sure this is the subject of her song Problem. Managing to remain famous while you had this lurking in your family tree is BOTW-worthy alone.
She's 100% Italian – now that's a spicy meatball.
Ariana has described her first kiss as adorkable which was almost grounds to have this honor ripped away from her. It's your 21st now, betch, so go out and give us a real 21st reason, like you tomorrow, hungover AF, extension and lashes in one hand, and heels and hoops in the other. MAKE US PROUD!