We’re back at Are You The One: Second Chances and I am just now learning that it’s not the finale. Ugh.
Mikala: Cam and I are gonna be in a life-long relationship no matter what.
Meanwhile Morgan and Tori are celebrating their cop-out. Morgan is really pulling an Alicia, being like “can I have a kiss on the forehead?”
Wake me up when somebody fucks. Hell, I’ll settle for a makeout at this point.
Devin’s talking about how he should steal.
Devin: You’re a standup guy you’re not gonna steal the money.
Inner Devin: Steal the money it makes so much sense and it would be such a typical Devin move.
Morgan’s like “Tori and I used to have so many feelings for each other and now we have none.”
Speak for yourself, dude.
YAS Morgan and Tori finally go to the boom boom room. Never have I been more excited for two people to do something kinda ratchet on national television.
AAAAHAHAHA THEY’RE GONNA BE MOVING. Oh god. That’s good. Hey Tori, wanna come help me move? It’s this Saturday. Come thru.
Honestly I don’t even wanna watch this challenge because it’s just like, all the stress of this past week plus all the stress I’m going to incur this weekend and this is really giving me anxiety.
It does involve some rappelling though. That’s pretty cool. Also let’s discuss how Tori makes the same exact face/hand gestures every time Karamo explains the challenge.
Like, girl. You’ve been doing this for what, eight weeks now? You understand that the point of these challenges is to be challenging, yes?
Anyway. This mission is a fucking joke anyway because they get elevators to move these damn boxes! What I wouldn’t pay for an elevator in New York City! JK the amount I would pay for an elevator is extremely low, hence why I live in a walk-up in the first place.
Cam: Because of the blind choice I’m thinking about the money and not her.
Mikala: I really don’t wanna let Cameron down.
Ahh I’m beginning to see why this relationship crashed and burned, and that reason starts with a “Cam” and ends with an “ameron.”
Tori is really fucking up over here, taking my strategy when unloading grocery store bags from the car into the house: just taking it all in one trip no matter how slow you go. It is not a good call. Maybe she shouldn’t help me move.
Rashida is having a full-blown panic attack over the fact that she’s about to rappel like, two steps. I’m pretty sure my college rock climbing gym class had higher stakes than this (I almost couldn’t graduate because I almost failed, but I meant like, in terms of the heights we were climbing).
I just don’t understand how Cam was going to steal last night when he’s the one who forced Mikala into this game in the first place? God damn. These hoes ain’t loyal.
Adam: Hey Shanley how do I do this?
Shanley *in annoyed teacher voice*: Read the instructions. What did I tell you.
Real fucking helpful, Shanley. Don’t ever lose anything because Shanley would be like “Where did you have it last? You fucking idiot.”
WOW we’re really about to attack Adam’s manliness right now? Holy shit. “Have you ever fixed a car by yourself other than changing a tire?” Bitch, get over yourself. Plenty of people can’t fix a damn car—that’s why mechanics are a highly specialized and highly paid trade. Fuck outta here.
Morgan’s like “I’m not encouraging Tori as she’s about to rappel of this building. That’s how we work together as a team.” Sure. K.
Devin and Rashida somehow win… come again? I must have missed when they finished the challenge. Cool, whatever, don’t care.
Morgan and Tori get second place. Fuck yeah. Although they’re not necessarily safe I guess *cries a little inside*.
Adam and Shanley somehow beat out Cam and Mikala.
They all party and tbh at this point I took a wine break so I just hope nothing noteworthy happened. Am I getting lazy? You fucking bet. Too many damn commercials in this bitch and I got shit to do.
Adam: My strategy is to just go to sleep before Shanley gets mad at me.
I stand by my earlier comment that Adam is a battered wife, FWIW.
They’re all at the pool and Shanley is bitching at Adam (again) and she’s like “none of you understand what it’s like! You don’t know what it’s like to deal with him!” Like, okay. This guy from what I’ve seen is not an all-star but he’s not a colossal fuckup like she’s making it seem? Unless I have missed something. Adam is like…fine?
Adam is trying to be nice to Shanley and EVEN STILL she’s like “Yeah it would suck if I went home with nothing given how hard I personally worked while you sat on your ass and contributed nothing.”
For someone who Shanley thinks is an idiot, Adam is 100% right when he says that he could win and Olympic medal and Shanley would still talk shit about how much he sucks.
Adam and Shanley go in, surprising no one. I’m really pulling for the double steal.
Adam: If you click share, we’re going to the final. I know we haven’t been on the same page but I came in with a friendship I’m not willing to lose.
Inner Adam aka Adam to the camera: If I knew Shanley was going to steal, I’d totally steal. I’d rather we both go home with nothing than she get everything.
Shanley’s speech was like “blah blah blah, me me blah, blah blah blah blah me me me.” Name that reference!
Morgan: Shanley abuses Adam and she’s really good at lying and putting on an act.
Adam chooses… Share! WHAT. THE. FUCK. DUDE.
Shanley chooses… Share?!?!?!
Dude holy shit. WTF. I am shook. I truly did not think this would happen. I really thought this would be the double steal we’ve been waiting for all season.
Cam and Mikala are going home. I’m actually way less sad about this than I would have been had Cam not revealed himself to be a mega asshole.
Karamo: Cam, do you think you’re going home stronger as a couple?
Cam: Yeah. I mean, whatever I guess.
Inner Cam: Nah, fuck this bitch, I’m outtie.
Tori ends this episode with a summer camp chant to avenge Cameron and Mikala. K, that was weird.