An Open Letter To Tiny House Hunters

Dear spatially challenged couple,

Let me start off this letter by saying, I love HGTV. It’s amazing, and I’m convinced their Sunday lineup cures hangovers. As of like, the past two years, the network has been taken over by shows revolving around the tiny house trend.

I don’t actually have a problem with tiny houses in general. If you want to spend $60k on a shoe box, be my guest. It’s just the people on the quest for the perfect tiny houses that really grind my gears. Fuck you people.

You would think it would be more than obvious to Bob and Kathy that the tiny houses they’re looking at would be, in fact, tiny. That’s the point. It’s literally in the name.

It never fails. On every fucking episode Kathy is going to complain about the lack of storage space, how small the closets are, or the fact that there isn’t a full size Jacuzzi tub in the bathroom.

Yes, Kathy, the house is small. Who would have thought?

Apart from the fact these people seem to be completely delusional about the amount of shit they’ve acquired in their lifetime, their reasons for wanting a tiny house are beyond unbearable.

These are the people who have some version of the word “Wanderlust” in their Instagram profile.

They generally list a combination of these reasons for wanting a tiny home: We like to travel; we love nature; we want to save our money; we would love our pack of giant dogs to be in extremely close quarters with us at all times; we want our guests so see us naked; we want our guests to hear us have sex; we want our children to hear us have sex; we want everyone to know when we’re pooping; counter space is overrated; we want to follow trends but also feel like trendsetters at the same time.

Yeah, most couples move into a tiny home and pretend to be super happy with their horrible life choice, but we know, deep down, they want all their shit back.


Downsizing is a bitch and so am I


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