Amber Rose Defends Taylor Swift, Probably Because No One Else Will

Everyone has an opinion on the newest, whitest couple alive—Taylor Swift and Tom Hiddleston. Taylor has been bullying famous men into being her boyfriends for like a decade now, so it makes sense that she would move on this quickly from Calvin Harris. But even though we created this curly-haired monster back in 2008, a lot of (dumb) people were “surprised” and “shocked” to see her move on so quickly.

Amber Rose, who knows a thing or two about not a whole lot, encouraged Taylor to live her life, like the clingy, serial monogamist she is. Except not in those words. Amber told The Daily Beast that everyone is criticizing Taylor “because it’s unheard of, and she’s acting very ‘slutty’ and for some reason needs time to ‘let her pussy rest.'” (Right now Taylor is LIVID that someone would use her name and the word “pussy” in the same sentence. She’s quickly working to get it retracted.)

Amber continued, “That’s how people look at it, and it’s just like, hell no! If I’m done, why do I have to sit in the house and be lonely?” I mean, true. I don’t feel like Taylor has to sit in her house and be lonely. Karlie can be there if she wants. They can bake cookies and talk about how fun it is to be skinny and rich.

The only thing left to do is wait for a coy interview about her and Tom on the Ellen show. And then a break up, and then a suboptimal song, etc., etc. As long as we care about who Taylor Swift is/isn’t dating, this cycle will never end. 


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