Amazon Wants To Let You Use Your Pretty Face To Buy Shit, Like, Legitimately

Amazon is trying to patent a new system that would let you pay for your shopping cart by taking a selfie. It’s kind of like how you bat your eyes at the bartender for free drinks, but like, the legitimate version.

The technology is supposed to prevent robots and hackers from stealing your Prime info and buying shit on your tab. So instead of taking the trouble to like, IDK, enter a security code or something, you can just wink at the camera to let Amazon know it is really you buying toilet paper in bulk.

But if we learned anything from the How Old Are You app, it’s that facial recognition technology is kinda dumb. Just ask any non-white guy in glasses that’s gotten confused for another boring non-white guy in glasses by Facebook’s tagging feature. And what happens if you’re having a bad day and Amazon’s like, “You look tired”? Are you not going to be able to buy shit to make you feel better? Not to mention, does this mean we have to pay for our own Prime accounts now?? Pass.

Also, we’re skeptical about where the photos go. I mean, just like your transaction history it should probably be saved, but now you have to worry about hundreds and hundreds of awkward winking selfies haunting you someday.

The jury’s still out on whether this is an amazing or terrible idea. Time will tell.


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