ICYM Khloe Kardashian’s Twitter freak out on Saturday, the aliens have landed. Start bulking up on apocalypse supplies – vodka, red bull, Kind bars – because we’re about to get fucking invaded like a Will Smith movie.
There were some crazy lights in the sky above LA this weekend – crazier than a Major Lazer concert – and it looked like some War of the Worlds level shit. The US government says that it was just a missile test from a ballistic missile submarine. They recycled that excuse from the Area 51 days – it’s not alien activity, just war exercises. I’m calling bullshit: Jet Fuel Can’t Melt Steel Beams.
Then on Sunday in Cape Town, South Africa – where literally every girl from NYC is studying abroad this semester – UFO clouds appeared during the day. Apparently there’s a scientific explanation for the alien-inspired Insta’s you saw, they’re called “stratocumulus standing lenticularis” clouds – that sounds like a bacterial infection my little had last semester. A scientist on CNN said that “They form when air reaches some sort of obstruction like a mountain or valley.” Or maybe the aliens were checking out the best ski resorts before the season starts.
At this point I’m just waiting for Obama to go on a surprise “vacation” and Anderson Cooper to tell me “don’t panic.” But like you should definitely host an end of the world themed party this weekend – if we’re about to be colonized by some aliens, there’s no fucking way I’m going to be sober for it.