Alessandra Ambrosio is Retiring From Victoria’s Secret So She Can Finally Eat Something

Well friends, it was good run, but all good things have to come to an end eventually. That’s why it hit us pretty hard to hear that Alessandra Ambrosio is officially hanging up her Angel wings and moving on from Victoria’s Secret.

If this feels like the end of an era, that’s because it literally is. Alessandra walked in an astounding 17 VS Fashion Shows, which means you were probably still wetting the bed when by the time she put on the wings for the first time. Seriously, 17 years is a long time to do anything, but imagine having to be in Fantasy Bra shape 17 fucking times. Like, I can barely get myself to go the the gym once. Think about it: Alessandra has been in swimsuit shape since BILL CLINTON WAS PRESIDENT.

Unfortunately, this means Alessandra will be leaving behind her Brazilian BFF Adriana Lima. We have no idea if they really like each other in real life, but they’ve been doing this shit together since the year 2000. In the year 2000, we like barely knew who Beyoncé was, and Emma Stone was in sixth grade. Crazy shit bro.

So now Alessandra is off to enjoy her post-runway life, which probably means she’ll still be in a swimsuit 24/7, just with her husband and kids instead of creepy photographers. If anyone has any ideas about how I can retire at age 36, please pass them along. Thanks for all the great memories, Alessandra, send prayers for us now that we have to rely on Bella Hadid.


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