There's nothing better to come home to after a long day of work than your favorite alcoholic beverage. If you're still in college, and depending on your classiness and body mass index, your go-to weeknight drink could range from wine coolers to vodka with a splash of Sprite (the diet kind, fucking duh). But for post-college betches who have matured into a loving, dedicated relationship with wine, it’s hard to grab anything other than our beloved bottle of red. But just like in any relationship, too much time together can make things boring; there isn’t any excitement anymore. You used to get giddy reaching for the wine opener and those first few sips were magical, but now you just mindlessly pour and pour and pour until the bottle is empty…just like your soul. Maybe it’s time for a change. Am I suggesting you cheat on wine? Um, kind of. Well, think of it as having an open relationship. What is it they say? Absence makes the heart grow fonder? Or is it absinthe? I don’t fucking know.
So, if you find yourself slowly drifting towards becoming a wino every M-F, try switching it up. Here are a few options to consider…
This has got to be the betchiest drink out there. Whether it’s Andre or Dom, champs is bound to show you a good time. There are a shit ton of reason why it’s the perfect replacement for your precious vino on a weeknight.
- It’s classy (People will think you are rich and have your shit together)
- It doubles as a meal (Add some berries to it and you’ve got a healthy dinner)
- It’s in a lot of rap songs (Jay-Z, T.I., Kanye, even Lil’ Kim…all the greats)
- Skinny people drink it (i.e. Heather Dubrow is famous for her love of “bubbles”)
We could keep going, but you get the idea.
Ok, so winter isn’t going anywhere soon so we might as well try to get something out of it. Cue hot alcoholic beverages. Why waste calories on hot chocolate or apple cider without a buzz to go along with it? That is fucking insane. Try Kahlua or Horchata with coffee, Tippy Cow and marshmallow vodka with hot chocolate or maybe even caramel apple vodka with cider. These are especially enjoyable when they are brought with you on the go. Your boring thermos is now a wellspring of joy. Try packing one of these for that outdoor concert, while you’re browsing the farmer’s market or just sitting at home. (Disclaimer: do not consume these drinks on a regular basis if you don’t want to be fat as fuck.)
Ok, maybe it’s kind of hipster (gross) to be into microbrews and shit like that, and we totally agree. But, it is important to have some knowledge about beer. You don’t want to go overboard or you will either come across as a lesbian or the type of person who grows their own food. We recommend trying out seasonal beers that stand out to you. Pumpkin ale is a definite must, and maybe throw in a winter beer here and there or something like a cherry wheat. If you plan on drinking all night, go back to your wine, but a new beer is sometimes fun to try with (a zero-calroie Kashi) pizza.
Gin, vermouth, olives: gang’s all here. Some nights after work you don’t want to fuck around. But instead of pulling a high school dropout move and taking shots alone at 6 pm on a Tuesday, try treating yourself to a midweek martini. Martinis are awesome because there are a ton of options other than the classic gin one that your dad drinks. You can make it fruity, salty or even spicy (i.e. Mexican martini). There’s even these chocolate martinis that are made with greek yogurt or something so they’re, like, really good for you. So shake it up, pour a glass and toast to your good health.
So the next time you stock up on your week’s alcohol supply, we suggest taking a break from your wine and trying these out. Mixing it up will not only reinvigorate your relationship with wine, but it will also give you more experience as an alcoholic a person. Be as alcoholically promiscuous as you like. After all, wine is always waiting for you. Cheers.