BETCHES, THE DAY IS HERE. Unless you’ve been living in a fucking cave for the last month, you should know that Adele is back and better than ever. Today, at long last, her new album 25 is released. This is the first new Adele album in almost five years, and you all remember how the last one made everyone lose their damn minds. Now, Adele is all grown up and her album shows it. Basically every song is perfect, so if you don’t listen to the whole thing you’re just hurting yourself.
In a truly betchy move, Adele decided that her new album won’t be available on streaming services like Spotify or Apple Music, so if you want to hear her glorious voice you’re either going to have to buy the album or sleep with someone so they’ll send you their copy. Clearly, Adele has gotten super rich and doesn’t need poor people listening to her music anymore. If this sounds like the exact same thing Taylor Swift did, that’s because it is. But a week from now Adele will just be cackling as she breaks all of Taylor’s sales records.