Everyone knows that reading The Man Repeller, the most unironically accurately titled blog in the world, is like that test at the eye doctor where they blow air in your eyes (except replace the air with farts). That’s why it’s fine if, say, its creator wants to do a series of posts called “The Sex and the City Diet.” Whatever, beat Sarah Jessica Parker’s decade-old dead horse face all you want. These aren’t actual food diets, mind you, because that would resemble something actually worth reading. Instead, they’re posts where the blog’s goblin-faced proprietor tries to emulate SatC characters, doesn’t actually do any of the activities she’s chosen, and then declares herself better than the fictional characters she didn’t bother to copy in a competition held entirely in her own mind. Today’s post, about Charlotte, features something extra special:
“I wore my engagement ring on top of my wedding band all week. If I’m being honest, which as Leandra, I always am, I don’t like wearing my engagement ring for the simple reason that it makes me feel like every other girl in the world who wears the same piece of jewelry on the same finger to signify the same thing. This week, however, I am all about my “basic” jewelry and the significance it connotes.”
OH YEAH BABY THAT’S THE STUFF. Take in that passage, roll the words around in your mouth a bit, and then felch them right back into the asshole they came from. Leandra, who is lucky to not have been tossed into a dumpster at birth, let alone married, doesn’t like wearing the engagement ring her very wealthy husband bought for what’s likely more than your value as a human being. Is it because she doesn’t like it, or it doesn’t fit? No, it’s because other girls do it, making it too “basic.”
You know what else is basic? Having a fucking fashion blog. Oh, you’re rich and take pictures of yourself in clothes nobody can afford? WHAT A NOVEL IDEA. Also basic? Thinking that anyone gives a fuck about what you wear or asks you for advice. That site gets an estimated 600k pageviews per month — sites get more traffic than that putting up a blank page with the words “Kylie Jenner” on it. So stop thinking you’re some kind of authority or thought leader, and for the love of God stop fucking referring to yourself in the third person. That’s basic as fuck.
We’re all basic. I own multiple blue gingham shirts, think Emma Watson is hot and often wear a fitted baseball cap backwards. It doesn’t matter. Unless you’re literally making your own clothes, you’re basic too. The only thing more basic is thinking that doing contrived things to stand out makes you somehow not.