Dear Betch…

Hey Betches,

So I have this “issue” and find it hilarious. I met this guy at the bars, and he's been chattin me up nonstop. We're meeting up for drinks soon but here's the problem…I have absolutely no idea what this bros name is. At all. And he knows random things about me..which means he was clearly not on my level of blackout. Whatever. Anyway I think I'm more interested in what his name is than the drinks he'll be buying. How do I get this info and make him feel like the idiot?!


Blackout Betch

Dear Blackout Betch,

We’ve all been in situations where we’ve gotten too fucked up to remember the name of the guy we gave our number to or even what he looks like. Before seeing him, though you should definitely know one or the other. What if he’s the fucking Craigslist killer? Or worse, what if he’s poor? You need to google the shit out of this guy (hopefully his Facebook is only semi-private) before actually agreeing to meet him in person again.

Flat out asking this guy what his name is is the best move. Something along the lines of “hey so like I’m sorry but I totally forgot your name haha” will keep the conversation casual while simultaneously letting him know that you’re better than him. It will make him seem like an idiot and it will make you seem like you have so many bros trying to date you that you simply can’t keep track of all their names. I mean, fucking duh, a rock star can’t be expected to know the names of all her fans.


The Betches


Dear Betches,

Maybe you can help us out -since with every post it is becoming more and more likely that you are just stalking our bestie group. Even stalking us is pretty awesome, so please have the honor casting the deciding vote:its 3-v-3 on whether or not it's ok to have a married pro as a VIP?


Not slutty if no one knows

Dear Not Slutty if No One Knows,

No it’s not okay to have a married pro as a VIP. Like we’ve said before, being a homewrecker isn’t betchy, it’s just whorey. Who wants to fuck a guy who’s promised another woman that he’d love and honor her forever and then searches for other girls to stick his dick into? Seriously revolting. Affairs are cliché and trashy.

Also, any kind of douchebag who would do this to his wife is already giving you a heads up that he’s going to treat all women like shit. On top of that, what if you were this betch? We’re all for only thinking about yourself but betch code states you stay the fuck away from another girl’s boyfriend or husband. Go find a single VIP or at least a guy who’s separated.

In conclusion, it IS still slutty if no one knows and it is a big deal. No one respects the town harlot. Remember, karma’s a betch.


The Betches


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