Everything You Need To Know About DACA, Explained

Undoubtedly, by now you’ve already heard the term DACA, and are probably wondering WTF is up with this trendy new acronym. No, it’s not slang for daiquiri, or short for Dirrty As Christina Aguilera (I wish). It’s a lot more important than that and is a big deal for the future of young immigrants in America. Let’s get educated.

WTF Is DACA?

DACA stands for the Deferred Action for Childhood Arrivals, and is an Obama-era program that protects undocumented childhood immigrants from deportation. Basically, if your parents dragged your unaware toddler self into the US illegally, but you are now living here peacefully as an educated or hardworking member of society, DACA makes sure that the government can’t rip your opportunities away and send you packing from whence you came.

Many recipients of DACA – nicknamed “Dreamers” – were brought over at such a young age that America is the only home they have ever known. Imagine getting every piece of clothing you own from Zara and then the government digs up your old Myspace, revealing your undocumented emo phase and sends you straight back to Hot Topic, where you are destined to choose from studded chunky belts and mesh fingerless gloves for the rest of your life. Ok, maybe not exactly the same, but like, tomato tomahto.

Why Are We Talking About It Now?

The Trump administration had been working on ending DACA since they heard Obama’s name attached and descended upon it like the Hocus Pocus witches trying to suck out the souls out of these poor undocumented immigrant children. Trump blames DACA for allowing undocumented workers to take our jobs and ruin the system for the honest hard-working Americblah blah blah are we done yet? You’re racist, you hate immigrants, we know the drill.

However, someone just squashed Trump’s roll and his name is Federal Judge William Alsup of San Fran. Alsup blocked the Trump administration’s plans to phase out the protections provided by DACA, ensuring that Dreamers wouldn’t be threatened by deportation as talks on WTF to do about DACA continue. Not deporting a bunch of young adults and kids while some old white men argue with each other really seems like the bare minimum here, but hey, small victories.

Trump Is A Hypocrite, Shocking

We all know Trump is the queen of saying something and then immediately denying it and saying the complete opposite. He’s more exhausting than I am when I win fights with my boyfriend using the exact same strategy. (I never said it wasn’t effective.) In a truly mind-boggling televised meeting on Tuesday, Trump basically went back on one of the cornerstones of his campaign and said he’d be cool with “taking the heat” for working out an immigration deal that keeps protection of Dreamers in place. Did you hit your head, Donny? Did you sing that song, hand-in-hand with all the little Dreamers in Whoville and your heart grew three sizes that day? I hate to say it, but that actually sounds a little…stable geniusy of you.

Ah wait, silly me, this is Trump we’re talking about, who will never settle for a compromise without some additional personal gain. (Omg that sounds like me too – do we have more in common than I thought?) Trump did claim he was down to work with the Democrats on a comprehensive immigration reform, as long as his border wall was part of the deal. The idea of some tighter border security might be something all sides are willing to figure out together, but Trump is definitely out of his mind if he thinks we’ll reach a deal where our own people pay for a useless, expensive wall that, if I remember correctly, “Mexico was supposed to pay for.” Stop trying to make the wall happen. It’s not going to happen.

Will this rare moment of clarity result in an actual immigration deal that makes both sides happy? Considering he basically ran on a platform of immigrants = bad / Trump = good, his supporters are likely to give him a lot of shit for this lapse into actual conversation and teamwork. Trump is already prepared for this possibility, saying during the meeting, “My whole life has been heat. I like heat, in a certain way.” Kinky. That also sounds an awful lot like another selfish, narcissistic, blonde but I just can’t put my finger on it…

Sooo…like…Maroney 2020? Sounds good to me. 

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