Ask a Pro

First of all, shame on you betches. I expected my inbox to be loaded with desperate cries for help, and instead I only got a handful. If you want to sulk and talk about your feelings, watch fucking Oprah. If you want insightful, so-good-it-should-be-illegal insider advice from a pro to help you with #32 Winning, email me at That said, let's get into the inaugural Ask a Pro entry Dear Head Pro, So last year this bro I met at school started pursuing me. I wasn't really into him, just another one of many, but after a few months I decided to hook up with him while black out. Then I mistakenly chose to look past his initially annoying qualities and decided to give him a chance. We spent a lot of time together and things seemed to be getting (vomit) serious. I was pretty into this bro. Well I guess meeting his entire family, wining and dining me, and being “romantic” doesn't mean shit because I find out after a few months of us “dating” he f'ed some fugly slut behind my back. After that I was turned into a total BSCB and we pretty much cut shit off, but then eventually we started talking again. Now since we've both graduated we live like almost three hours away from each other and we visit sometimes. This includes all kinds of visits including dinner with his family, dinner dates, partying, and just spending time in. We've recently been talking less and less and just had a random encounter and slept together which is like whatevs but I mean wtf? I mean I've def. been like hooking up with other bros and doing my thing but I guess you could say that he takes priority. But now its been almost a year and Im just like fucking over dealing with this shit. From your point of view what is this bro's fucking deal? Am I just the back burner betch? And how do I just cut this shit off for good before I completely ruin any betchiness left in me? Xoxo,

Over it but Not Really Over it Dear Over it but Not Really Over it, What's this bro's fucking deal? He doesn't have one. I want to know what your fucking deal is. So this guy wanted you, chased you, nailed you, and moved on what's the big mystery there? Of course I don't know because you didn't say, but I'm guessing that the wining, dining, and family bullshit was either a) your idea or b) an elaborate ploy by a bro to try to fuck a girl who wasn't otherwise into him.

There's a right and a wrong way to play hard to get. Do it right and you show your bro that you're a betch who is not to be fucked with, earning you respect and potentially a boyfriend (if that's what you're after). Do it wrong, and all you'll do is piss a guy off to the point where he'll only try harder to get what he wants and then fuck you over in return for the hoops you made him jump through. I'm guessing you took the latter route. I think he made it pretty clear how much you mattered to him when he cheated on you the first time. Now that you live hours apart, you matter even less to him and I don't blame him. There's no such thing as a back burner, you're leftovers in his fucking fridge. How do you cut things off and maintain any semblance of betchiness? Simple: Delete his phone number, block his email address, and call your carrier and have them block his phone number. Never fucking talk to him again. You've lost this game so hard that there's no clever way for you to save any kind of face. Cut this bro off for good, and maybe you won't need to slut it up with a bunch of other ones to convince yourself you're over him. Besides, what do you want with a bro who spends so much time with his family anyway? Healthy family dynamics are for fucking poor people. Hugs and Kisses, Head Pro


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