Happy Valentine’s Day, betches. Whether you’re in store for roses and chocolates from your beau or pizza and excessive amounts of wine with your Galentines, it’s time to forget about all that shit and get down to what really matters: your yearly love horoscope.
Sure, you probably already know how the events of today will unfold, but what about next week when you ghost the guy who sent you flowers today? Or next month when you get drunk and accidentally text your ex? Or this summer when you decide to Eat, Pray, Love your way across Europe in the hopes of finding a foreign summer fling? Don’t worry, we’ve got your year in romance on lock. Here is what your love horoscope has in store for your sign.
Aries
You’ve never shied away from a battle, Aries, so why start now? Your love life isn’t in shambles by any means, but it’s also not flourishing. The good things in life are worth fighting for, and this year you’re going to come face-to-face with that truth. Don’t let the things you want pass you by and definitely don’t sit and wait for them to present themselves to you. Get out there and fight for what you deserve; it’ll make the victory all the sweeter.
Taurus
It’s starting to seem like all the people around you are settling down and that’s because, well… they are. It’s a weird and confusing time, but guess what, Taurus? Ignore it. You’re a free spirit who has so much more living to do before you start Googling things like “couples’ calligraphy classes near me.” You won’t be content to settle down until you’ve seen and experienced everything you can, which is what your love horoscope and the next year have in store for you. Go on more trips than your PTO technically allows. Try different things. Meet new people. 2018 is the year of finding yourself (I already called Kylie Jenner to verify) so don’t waste it.
Gemini
After a couple years of romantic turmoil, you’re finally in the clear, Gemini. You’re in a good place, with a good person, and the only thing to do now is not self-destruct. I know, easier said than done. Your history has a tendency of creeping in and making you second-guess your love life at the worst of times, and you’re going to have to do everything in your power to ignore that. Don’t let the ghosts of shitty relationships past have any power over your happiness.
Cancer
Man, not to be that cliché Valentine’s Day love horoscope, but this just might be the year you find love, Cancer. In fact, it definitely is. Then again, finding love has never been an issue for you, has it? More aptly, this is the year that you don’t run away from the love that you’ve found. Sounds scary, right? Probably because it is. But you know what’s scarier? Ending up miserable because you abandoned things that made you truly happy. For the next year, take a deep breath before you consider ghosting someone, and remember why you’re with them in the first place. With any luck, they’ll still be around come New Year’s.
Leo
You’re going to fall in love with one person and one person only this year, Leo: yourself. Is that cheesy? For sure. Doesn’t make it any less true. This isn’t one of those “no one will love you if you don’t love yourself” situations, because that’s, quite frankly, bullshit. Your own self-worth has never been dependent on what other’s think and that’s not going to change. Loving yourself is about being happy and comfortable in your skin, something you’ve never quite mastered. So spend some time this year romancing the most important person in your life: you.
Virgo
This is a year for leaving your comfort zone, Virgo. You’re a creature of habit, and there’s nothing wrong with that, but it means you may be closing yourself off from experiences that you’d otherwise enjoy. It may seem like you’ve seen and done and met every possible point of interest in your city, but you haven’t. Open yourself up to the idea of meeting new people, and you may be surprised by who wanders into your life.
Libra
You’re no stranger to love, Libra. It seems like you’re always in it, searching for it, or complaining about it. In light of that, this is the year that you ignore it. It’s hard to tell if a relationship is real and worthwhile if you haven’t been single since you were seventeen. It may seem outrageous at first, but 2018 is the year that you let your single flag fly. You’ll learn to love the freedom, which your free-spirited nature craves anyway, and you’ll learn more about yourself than you ever thought possible.
Scorpio
It’s time for some much-needed change, Scorpio. You’ve given up on love because you think it’s impossible to find, but in reality you just have shitty taste. Sorry, but it’s true. Yeah, it’s hard to hold a relationship down when you’re dating assholes with the emotional maturity level of a 12-year-old. This year, try pursuing people you usually wouldn’t. Literally anyone but the person that you’re instantly drawn to. Ignore your gut, try something new, and see what happens.
Sagittarius
This is the year that you start to take love seriously, Sagittarius. What has always been a fun pastime is about to become very real, and it’s going to be an adjustment that you might not exactly be ready for. It’s cool, being prepared is overrated. Catching feelings is rough, but it was bound to happen at some point. Our advice is to take it day by day and try not to overthink things. It’s going to feel weird not being the one with the upper hand for once, but the results just might make all the suffering worth it.
Capricorn
Is your love life starting to get stale, Capricorn? Not surprising. You’ve been out here mistaking contentment with actual happiness, which means you’re skating by but not living life to the fullest. Sure, it’s not the worst thing that could happen to someone, but it’s not the best either. This year, start demanding the best. If that means overhauling your relationships, do it. Life is short (getting shorter every minute that Donald Trump is in office), and you don’t have time for anything half-assed. It’s time to go all in, Capricorn.
Aquarius
Aquarius, this is the year that you try and be honest about a single emotion. Any emotion at all that isn’t amusement or apathy. The bar is so low, and yet you’ll still struggle to surpass it. If 2018 teaches you anything, let it be that you’re allowed to admit to feelings, even when you’re sober. I know, it’s a revolutionary thought. But it’s true. The aloof, intimidating vibe that you’ve so diligently honed is great for fending off creepy guys at the bar, but it’s pretty detrimental to establishing any kind of functioning relationship. Start peeling back those layers, you ogre, before you find yourself stuck with a (metaphorical) donkey for the rest of your days.
Pisces
Love is a crazy thing, Pisces. It makes us think that we’re happy and content when in reality, we may not be. It’s time for you to take a good, long look at your current relationship and decide if it’s something that you actually want. Yeah, heavy shit for Valentine’s Day, but it’s about time we injected some honesty into your situation. Don’t let the illusion of love convince you to stay in something that is, quite frankly, draining you. Stepping away may be hard, but living a lie is harder. Sorry for the dose of truth, but you need it.
Images: Jared Sluyter / Unsplash, Giphy (5)
