5 Ways To Get Your Body Ready For New Year’s

People joke about weight gain during the holidays, but no one’s laughing when it’s January first and you’re hungover, regretful, and bloated as fuck. Look—it happens to everyone. Somewhere between your daily peppermint latte and your holiday party’s open buffet, you got lost in the holiday calories and now you’re just swimming in a pool of laziness, latkes, and probably a shit ton of vodka. New Year’s Eve is only a few days away, so this week is your last hope to get your shit together to look and feel good going into the new year. Put down the sugar cookie and follow these steps to get your bod ready this week:

1. Lose The Salt


If you feel bloated AF right now, eating anything with a ton of salt will only make that bloating worse. When your body takes in sodium, extra water gets stored in your stomach and face, and you’ll feel puffier and grosser than usual. Do yourself a favor and skip the added salt this week. The soy sauce will still be there next week once people have already commented on how skinny your face looks in your New Year’s Insta.

2. Catch Up On Sleep

Go The Fuck To Sleep

It’s easy to stay up super late over Christmas break, whether you’re up blacking out with family friends or eating gingerbread cookies alone while bingeing on The Real Housewives. This week, try to get at least eight hours of sleep a night. It’s been proven that more sleep is healthier for you. It boosts fat loss, encourages your body to crave healthier foods, and prevents late-night carb snacking. Get to bed.

3. Chug Water


All of that shit you’ve been eating has been making you bloated and has probably made you break out, so this week, make water your best friend. I don’t care if you have to be known as that girl that walks around with a 1 Liter SmartWater all day. Drinking a ton of water will help de-bloat you, keep you full in between meals, and clear up your skin. If you’re peeing every five minutes, you’re doing something right.

4. Eat Small Meals Regularly

Hamster Eating Burrito

There’s no real evidence that eating three big meals or six small meals is the better way to lose weight, but when it comes to portion control, eating smaller regular meals will be a game changer. For the next few days, try to eat a small snack or meal every few hours. This way, you won’t get starving and eat the entire buffet when it’s presented to you. Try to chew slowly and savor every bite, just because like, healthy people do that.

5. Fucking Sweat

Key & Peele Sweating

You can try every diet in the book, but nothing will make your body more ready for the new year than a good sweat sesh. Sorry if you just got a blowout, but it’s time to hit the gym and sweat out all that wine and cake. You’ve basically been eating like you’re carboloading for a marathon anyway, so put the food to good use and sweat it out. I don’t care if all the SoulCycle Apsen bikes are booked. Get to the gym.


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