Most national holidays involve alcohol, but the best national holidays are dedicated to alcohol. Happy national wine day.
This day isn’t really any different than most days. Pretty standard, actually: wake up and have a glass of wine, sneak wine into your water bottle at work, drink a few bottles on your couch at night, just a normal Wednesday.
But in case you need extra motivation, justify your dependency on the grapes of the gods with these five reasons to celebrate national wine day.
5. You’ll help millenials drink more wine than any other generation
As we obviously reported, millenials drank 159.6 million cases of wine last month, which is an ungodly and amazing amount of wine. Don’t let down our generation; do your part today.
4. You’ll be healthier
Drinking wine can help you lower your cholesterol, keep your heart healthy, and even help you lose weight. But of course, these benefits only apply if you drink in “moderation.” What the fuck is moderation?
3. You’ll be smarter
If you drink four bottles of wine, this may not be true, but otherwise a Columbia University study discovered that brain function of non-drinkers deteriorates much faster than moderate drinkers. Further evidence that I am the winner of all drunk arguments.
2. You’ll live longer
At least compared to beer drinkers, wine drinkers have a 34 percent lower mortality rate. Fuck yeah.
1. You love wine, and wine loves you
Even without the health benefits, brain superiority, extended life and decrease in depression, we would still love wine.
So cheers, betches. Let’s get wine drunk.