Memorial Day was the unofficial start to the summer season, or so I hear every five fucking minutes on the news.
Anyway, I guess that means we can unofficially/officially kick off the summer of 2016 the best way we know how: with the pool, booze and boys. But in order to truly have a basic betch summer and take the most jealz-inducing instas, you’re going to need these 4 things.
A Flamingo Raft
If you don’t already have pictures partying on a flamingo pool float, who the even are you? Literally, like, every female celebrity who matters has posted a pic on one of these bad boys. You might as well stay inside all summer and be pale if you don’t get your own picture on a pink pool monster. If you’re in a pinch, the swan version will work too.
Nothing says summer like pineapple. If you’re feeling tropical, switch your cranberry and vodka for a pineapple and vodka and let the good times roll. If you’re in Portland, you put birds on things; If you’re a basic summer betch, you put pineapples on things. Wear pineapples. Decorate with pineapples. Hell, did you know you can even eat pineapples? If you’re really feeling it, splurge on this ridiculous $80 Anthropologie cutting board and let the pineapple times roll. (And by ridiculous I mean I want it. A lot.)
An Off-The-Shoulder Top
It doesn’t take a fashion genius to know that it’s all about off-the-shoulder for 2016. They’re perfect for eliminating shoulder tan lines, and you also probz don’t have to wear a bra with one. If you want to look like you have any sense of style this summer you should probably invest in one of these bad boys or, at least, the dress version.
A Poolside Read
Might we suggest I Had a Nice Time and Other Lies? I mean, you should already have it, but if you don’t, you need to get it so you can Insta yourself relaxing and looking literate all summer. Say you have an e-book version, I guess some other hardback will do. As long as it looks like you have enough free time to read a book and there’s a topical setting behind you, you should be fine.