This week marked the last big batch of primaries until June, and it turned out to be an important one. The air smelled like desperation and bullshit as some people’s dreams get more and more unrealistic, but no one is backing down yet.
DON’T ACT SURPRISED
To the people who still post a Facebook status in disbelief every time Trump wins a state, settle the fuck down. He’s won 27 states so far, so to act surprised seems a little disingenuous. Donald easily won all five primaries on Tuesday, while Hillary got four more wins. This was supposed to be a big week for Bernie, as all the states voting were in the Northeast, but he obviously didn’t deliver. For most experts, this week was a nail in the coffin for anyone who isn’t Donald or Hillary.
This week, Kasich and Cruz announced that they would be teaming up for the remaining primaries to try to stop Donald Trump from getting enough delegates to win the nomination. Someone call JoJo, because this seems like too little, too late. If they had made this call in February it might have worked, but Donald Trump has way more momentum than either of these clowns now.
In a move that literally stinks of desperation, Ted Cruz announced that he will choose Carly Fiorina as his VP if he is the nominee. Which he won’t be. Carly came on stage and sang some horrendously awkward song that she and Ted Cruz’s daughters made up. Carly, you should probably keep your day job as…a failed politician?
SPEAK OF THE DEVIL
To top off what was a pretty shitty week for Ted Cruz, former Speaker of the House John Boehner was quoted as saying he’s “never worked with a more miserable son of a bitch” than Ted Cruz. He called Cruz “Lucifer in the flesh,” just in case his feelings weren’t clear. It’s long been known that Ted is one of the least popular people in the Senate, but damn John.