2 Chainz Is Selling Beepers Now

For reasons I don’t quite remember or understand, I found myself subscribed to the email mailing list of none other than Tity Boi himself. It probably had something to do with Dabbing Santa sweaters, but let’s focus on what’s important.

Now, 2 Chainz’ email list is no ordinary email list. Last night I opened my email to find a message with the subject line that read (and I copy/pasted this so don’t try to accuse me of making this up): Its Tit…. I just did sumn a lil bit crazy…

When you get an email like that from Mr. Chainz himself, you don’t not open it. Here’s what it said (I took out some boring parts):

“Look,,,,,, been doing a lot with the clothing…”

Like, you would think 2 Chainz could hire someone to proof-read his emails to make sure he’s not confusing ellipses for commas…ok, you’re right, I’m asking too much.

“This time im bout to do something crazy…. Im dropping the entire trapavelli collection but in a whole nother way… These Hats arent just hats… Check this out… The Trapavelli Beeper dad hat… for a limited amount… is gonna come with a motorola beeper…”

Yes, that’s right. BEEPERS. Wow. What a throwback. I had almost completely forgotten those existed. I went on the website (because I had to) and lo and behold, 2 Chainz is actually selling beepers now. Real shit. And not just like, you’re forced to deal with this clunky piece of useless plastic if you buy the hat like the email claims, like you can actually just purchase a beeper all on its own. For the low price of $29, you too can purchase an authentic piece of obsolete 90’s technology. Check this shit out:

First of all, how is Buzzfeed not all over this?

Second of all, where the fuck did 2 Chainz even get these? I can’t even get my hands on a box of Dunkaroos anymore, literally where did he find MULTIPLE authentic beepers? Did he just have these stocked up, just in case? Furthermore, is there anyone out there dumb enough to buy one of these? Like, I know 90’s nostalgia is so hot right now (ugh) but come the fuck on. Smart phones exist! Even drug dealers have graduated to burner phones—there’s just no reason for this. This shit should be in a museum.

Come on, 2 Chainz, you can’t just slap the word “Trapavelli” onto a fucking Motorola beeper to make it cool. Or wait, can you? Is this actually working? LMK.


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