Just because you’re blessed with perfect looks and personality doesn’t mean you’re immune to getting sick. In fact, because you’re so skinny and fragile, chances are you catch colds more often than the average person. I mean, everyone knows healthy is just a euphemism for fat. Being sick sucks, but at least you have something to blame your delusional thoughts on when you’re tucked in bed with a fever. Here are some of the thoughts that go through your head when you’re stuck in bed and you’ve already finished rewatching Gilmore Girls and are on your 17th glass of water.
1. How long am I going to live?
2. If I was born in a different country, would I still have the same personality as I have now?
3. If Brad never broke my heart, I would never have learned not to date shady bros, so did he technically help improve my love life by sabotaging it?
4. Should I get bangs?
5. If nice girls didn’t exist, would a betch still be a betch or just a regular girl?
6. If you send a text after 2am but the person on the other end is in a different timezone where it’s daytime, is it still a booty call?
7. If a relationship happens but it’s never labeled, did it ever really happen?
8. If I had a dollar for every time he didn’t text me back, it would make me rich, but wouldn’t I still feel poor?
9. Am I ever going to be 28?
10. Everyone lies about their natural hair color, which is why I should never trust anyone.
11. Was my mom as slutty as me when she was my age?
12. Can I get sick again from sleeping too long?
13. Should I get fake boobs?
14. Would I rather never hook up again but have true love, or have amazing sex with strangers but never fall in love for the rest of my life?
15. Did I ever send that thank you card to Aunt Pam for my sixteenth birthday gift?
16. Am I becoming my mother?
17. Did I already die?