If you know somebody who works at MTV, can you please go and check on them? Not only has 2017 led MTV to create a show call Floribama Shore, but now they’re doing a Jersey Shore revival. Cabs should not fucking be here, because we all use Uber now.
The title is Jersey Shore Family Reunion, which is false advertising unless Sammi and Ronnie had a child. The special will include Deena, Pauly, Jenni, Vinny, Ronnie, Snooki, and Mike. So like, where is our favorite delusional dater, Sammi, the sweetest bitch you’ll ever meet? Apparently she was the only one who had something better to do, like watch her manicure dry. Whatever bullshit this new show brings, at least we won’t have to listen to “Rahhhnnnn stahhhpp” ever again. Actually, I’m kind of sad about it.
But while this reincarnation seems like the worst idea since MTV stopped airing episodes of Cribs, Jersey Shore will always be remembered as a bright spot in the early 2010s. So let’s take a trip down blackout lane, remember the craziest shit that went down, and wonder how many people approved the footage before broadcasting it.
When Mike head-butted the wall and had to wear a neck brace, which was honestly the worst walk of shame anybody on the show ever did.
When Snooki got arrested for public intoxication and yelled the iconic, “I’m a fucking good person” after running on the beach screaming, “Where’s the beach?” Same, girlfriend.
When Snooki got into a car accident with the Italian police for driving like shit.
When Snooki and JWoww wrote the anonymous note to Sammi about Ron cheating on her with multiple women at Bed in Miami. How many friendship wars did this start among girls asking their friends what they would have done in the same situation? Not enough, probably.
When Ron cleaned all of Sammi’s shit out of their bedroom after they fought about Ron dancing with random girls at a bar in front of her. Honestly, if nothing else, Jersey Shore gave us all a PSA of what an abusive relationship looks like.
When Angelina got fired from the T-shirt shop for refusing to work at the literal easiest job in the entire world. I’d pay good money to see this girl try and finish a summer internship.
All of the random fights they got in. Like, what was more violent: Dunkirk or season two of Jersey Shore?
When Snooki got punched in the face
When Sammi punched Ron for refusing to say he wouldn’t talk to Jenni anymore
When Jenni punched Mike for getting her kicked out of a club
When Jenni punched Sammi for talking shit about Snooki and Deena (spoiler alert: we were all thinking what Sammi was saying)
When Snooki threw a bottle at Mike for claiming they hooked up (spoiler alert: he was telling the truth)
When Ronnie got arrested for punching some rando on the street
So cheers to Jersey Shore, because like it or not, MTV has decided it’s T-shirt time yet again.