Being a betch means winning at everything, even when you don’t know what game you’re playing. There are plenty of haters out there that might say you only got to where you are because of your good looks, good luck, and good personality, and to that you say: wait, is that bad? But it’s not just good luck that keeps you on top; you’re just not willing to take no for an answer. Always wanting your way means you always get your way. And sometimes, that means faking your way through shit because life is hard but no one needs to know that. Here’s all the times you’ve had to keep your cluelessness on the DL.
1. You’ve gotten into bars underage just by asking if a made-up name of a bartender is working. Go with Mike or Caitlin—chances are there’s at least two of them on the staff.
2. You’ve never rolled your own joint, and honestly, why would you start now? It’s just at this point there’s always someone better than you at doing it, so you’d just be making everyone else smoke a badly rolled joint.
3. You used brownie mix for your friend’s birthday and when people assumed it was an original recipe you did not correct them. The secret ingredient is love.
4. You’ve talked your way into so many clubs you’re surprised the CIA hasn’t come recruiting you yet.
5. You finished in the top 3 of your fantasy football league even though you straight-up picked players off of their horoscope signs.
6. You’ve aced job interviews just by bonding over the interviewer about being in the same sorority, despite never having done the job before.
7. You’ve gotten pulled over for a ticket and then instead of giving the cop your information, you’ve gotten off with no ticket and maybe even the cop’s phone number.
8. When you forget someone’s name at a party you’ve sent in spies to introduce themselves just to report the forgotten name back to you.
9. You’ve made up a backstory and fake name when you’ve gone out just because you’re bored, and it actually works.
10. You’re so confident that you could probably talk a captain into letting you drive a cruise ship.