10 Foods That Will Make You Look Skinner Than You Are

Summer is basically here, and unless you’re a psychopath super responsible or whatever, you probably didn’t spend the winter months eating right and working out. I mean, who does that? Appearing skinny—especially when we’re hella bloated—is like, one of the top betch concerns. Along with diet and exercise (which, like, we do when we feel like), there are foods you can eat to APPEAR thinner than you are, i.e. they’ll beat the bloat. Yes, you can eat yourself skinny. Sort of. Don’t go crazy here. Here are our top ten foods to eat to look a lot thinner than you actually are:

1. Watermelon

DING DING DING. Our favorite water-laden fruit is really good for making you look skinny. Since it’s like, entirely water, watermelon does a bitchin’ job of flushing extra shit out of your system and keeping your belly flat. And once all the water’s gone, you’ll drop 10 pounds like that.


2. Celery

Like our friend the watermelon, celery is literally full of water. It’s not actually a negative calorie food like your friend with a fitness Instagram says, but it’s still healthy and will help you beat the bloat. Nibble on this alone or with a lil hummus, but it’d be better alone. And obviously don’t go dumping salt on your celery stalk because that will defeat the whole fucking purpose.

3. Water

The number one trick to looking skinnier than you are is to load up on water. Skip anything with bubbles or caffeine as it’ll create gas and, therefore, bloaty belly. It’ll also get things a-moving through your gut so you can take a nice, cleansing poo which will make you feel even skinnier.


4. Asparagus

It’ll make your pee smell weird, but, like celery and watermelon, it’s full of water. That means it’ll clean out your nasty icky insides and make your stomach flat. That way, you CAN wear the crop top out. #Blessings

5. Shrimp

Also known among your favorite Atlanta rappers as “skrimps”, shrimp are full of protein, boost your metabolism, and suppress appetite. They also have like, no carbs, and can help steer you away from fattening shit. So, next time you’re out, opt for anything with steamed or grilled shrimp on it over other proteins.

Bubba Gump

6. Frozen Grapes

Kind of weird, but stick your bag of grapes in the freezer and then snack on them throughout the day. They’re only 80 calories per cup, not super high in sugar, and can keep your belly flat. Hooray.

7. Grapefruit

Well, well, well—grapefruit again. I swear to God this shit ends up on every skinny list. And, apparently, for good reason. A whole grapefruit is only about 120 calories and forces you to eat slowly, since digging out those fucking segments takes goddamn forever. It’s also got lots of Vitamin C and antioxidants which are just good for you—so stock up on this shit. Once again, if you dump a cup of pure sugar onto this thing, you’re kind of playing yourself. 

Don't Ever Play Yourself

8. Zucchini

If you’re heading to barbecues this summer, make sure the hostess is planning on grilling some zucchini. This shit will fill you up without making your stomach expand, so feel free to sub them for literally all of the other barbecue sides. We’re looking at you, potato salad and macaroni.

9. Jicama

If you haven’t heard of this veggie before, best get familiar with it. It’s low calorie, crisp, and kind of sweet. It has tons of potassium, which help beat the bloat, and has only 50 calories per cup. Throw it in fruit salads, grill it, or stir fry it. Just find this shit ASAP and start munching.


10. Cucumber

A betch fave at the spa and on our salads, cucumbers are like 96% water, so naturally this is going to help make you look skinny. You could literally (and may we add, really weirdly) eat a whole cucumber and still only clock in at like 50 calories. Shit, sign us up. All that water will make you seem slim AND refreshed even if you’re really feeling chubby and irritable.


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